Dissociative Identity Disorder, also known as DID. A mental disorder that is said to allow the existence of at least two personalities to inhabit the same vessel.
I am Toone, at least, that's who I am right now. I am one of many who suffer from this disorder, the illness itself doesn't really affect my happy life that much. Yet, it is still something that seems to always put me on edge. I often ask myself, is the other me aware of our coexistence?
My friends and family have always noticed that sometimes I seem to be smarter and more thoughtful every now and then. Of course, back then I just took those as compliments like the humble fellow that I am. It was only until that day when I had my mental health checked by a psychiatrist, I found out about DID. This revelation practically changed me as a person. Who is this person? I've always had trouble differentiating my dreams and my memories, perhaps his existence is the reason why. Is he a bad person? A good person? I don't know. I don't know anything about him.
I've always wanted to know more about the enigma that is me, but I haven't found a way to do this yet. No, I have found a way. It is that I've never had the courage to ask. I've always been afraid of an answer. I've always been afraid of the answer. I've always been afraid of him, for all the selfish reasons. Am I really the original? Am I the one meant to be alive? Did I steal his body? I was never the brightest, honestly, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to say I am a scum of the Earth. If what people say about me is true, doesn't that mean I am just a defective version?
The question of whether he knows about me appears so simple yet it implies very much to me. It seems extremely illogical to me that he never leaves any trail of his behaviors or existence. Sure, there are a few "clues" from time to time but I only realized it after the fact that I was made aware of my disorder. This is more of an outside intervention than anything, it's as if me knowing about DID was never part of the plan. Is he intentionally hiding himself from me? Is he the Messiah who simply wishes for me to enjoy my life to its fullest? Or is he the Devil who uses my existence as a facade for his endeavors?
Whatever the truth may be, this question has haunted me for years—and now, I can bear it no longer. Today, I've decided to face my other half. I've decided to face him.
I've decided to face myself.
Phase 1
I pulled my phone out, trembling at the mere thought of sending him a message. "Sigh... You can do it Toone."With that sentence of encouragement I had given to myself, I opened the popular messaging app called "Myssenger."
This app has a feature where you can send a message to your own profile, it may seem like a weird addition, but it is surprisingly useful. People often send themselves messages, notes, files, anything to remind themselves later, or simply just to store it for future access. Ironically, my case is the actually weird one here. "Enough rambling to myself, what should I send now?" I don't know how many times I need to tell my own self to calm down, but it's really uncomfortable for me right now. Working up the nerve sure is hard huh? Alright, maybe a hello should be enough.
Today at 1:04 PMello there, i'm toone!
"..." No surprise, it wouldn't make sense for me to get a reply instantly, or any at all. My personality needs to switch for him to even get the chance to reply. Even then, it's not guaranteed that he'd do that. I still have a hunch that he is trying to avoid me at all cost, the possibility of me getting a message back is abysmal.
"Well, that's that then." Having no plans for today, I decided to text one of my buddies, Ioka, to hang out with me. Ioka is a chubby guy who is also fairly short compared to the average Joe. He's a bit timid and indecisive, generally doesn't stand out much. Perhaps that's why I like him so much, he's someone that I am sure will rely on me. Considering how much of a loser I am, it's really nice to know I can still be useful to society.
Today at 1:08 PMelloello dude! wanna hangout with meeeehhh? Today at 1:08 PMi ordered a miju figure like last week, it just came today and i'm about to pick it up at the store. Today at 1:09 PMi'm kinda stacked rn so we could hit a couple of cafes, food's on me.
Knowing that guy, he'll probably drain my wallet thanks to his S-tier metabolism. It's fine though, I've already spent 200 bucks on that Harune Miju figure, a ZOCALORD that is really prevalent on the internet nowadays. What's a few more bucks eh?
Today at 1:11 PMHell yeah I'll come to ya in a minute
Oh wow, he'll give me a ride too eh? To be fair I did say I was going to pay for his meals anyway. An eye for an eye type of thing I suppose. While waiting for Ioka, I decided to kill time playing Raid Royale, a real-time strategy game where you build decks and battle other people. It used to be much more popular a few years ago, there aren't many like me who continue to enjoy the game on a daily basis.
"..." It still worries me. "..."
The doorbell rings, snapping me out of my empty thoughts. How long have I been standing here? That doesn't matter, I'll go see Ioka now.
I rushed down the stairs and opened the front door. "Yo bud! Ready to go pick up your wife?" "Did you really have to rub it in the face like that? I don't think of figures as real people dude." I said, painfully. "Right, right. Whatever you say Toone. Okay, hop on." He makes a gesture with his right arm, telling me to get in the car. Hopping in I did, I sat shotgun, my favorite seat. Somewhen during the ride, we had a lengthy chat about how 50 kangaroos could beat 50 lions. I am not sure how the conversation got there, but it was quite entertaining. Soon enough, we stopped at the Japanese store to pick up my Miju figurine. It's rather embarrassing to be known as the guy with these otaku hobbies, I frankly don't like to be called with that title but if it's true, then it's true.
I live with the idea that anything you do in this world always comes with consequences and responsibilities. Avoiding them is a scummy move, to be a better person is to accept and face it. I believe that's how one gains trust and reputation, this is the rule that I always strive to abide by.
"I can treat myself to anything I want right? Nothing is off limits?" "On theory sure, but if you want to be an upstanding citizen of the community, you need to discipline your own appetite buddy." "Of course, of course. I was just kidding man, you don't need to prepare a lecture for me, Jesus." And so he says, even if he were to hold himself I doubt it would still be cheap. A light meal for him is a whole day's worth of food for me. I took my phone out to check my bank account balance. "..." My body begins to twitch. The phone was last left on the Myssenger app, but how could that be..? Looking at the bottom of the screen I see:
Today at 1:15 PMHow are you doing? Having fun with our friend?
I replied to myself..? That can't be, I don't remember any of this. It must've been him. Am I hallucinating? Frantically, I tried to figure out what to do, sure, I told myself it'll all be okay before doing all of this. But getting an actual response? That is insane, I had a glimpse of hope that maybe it was just a wrong diagnosis or there was a mistake. This response had proven my disorder and there is no way around it. It is the truth.
Having calmed down myself a little more, I typed out the following:
Today at 1:56 PMwho are you exactly? if you don't mind, could you tell me more? Today at 1:56 PMyou know ioka too?
I felt a small relief after sending the messages. The strong feeling of dread and curiosity, however, still lingers within me. "Yo, we're at John Honsons." "Oh wow, you actually picked a cheap place, how very nice of you dude." "Well duh, if I drained the entirety of your wallet, there wouldn't be a next time for me right?" Oh. So that's why.
John Honsons, a coffeehouse chain that is practically everywhere here in Canada. They're practically the McDavids of coffees, not amazing, but not horrible either. They serve 'em cheap and serve 'em quick. Heading inside, I sat at the corner of the restaurant, Ioka went and made an order. I don't feel like eating right now.
I took my phone out again, his message was still there. It couldn't have been my mind playing tricks on me, I am sure of it now. But when did the message get here, when did my consciousness switch? More questions keep pouring into me.
"Here ya go Toone, a cup of coffee." Ioka handed me a cup of coffee. "I don't remember asking you to spend my money on things that I don't need. But, but, I'll make an exception for this one." I then thanked him and took a sip. It's bitter, but it's good. Ioka sat down across from me, he pulled out his phone and started watching VikVok. Ioka is a good friend, he really knows how to read the room. He knows when to give me space and when to talk to me. He's a good listener, and he's a good talker. He's a good friend.
"..." I started looking for clues to his behavior. Checking the timestamp of the message, it was at 1:15 this afternoon. I believe I was playing Raid Royale at that time, could a switch have happened then? Ioka looked up from his phone. "What's wrong Toone? Ya look like yah've seen a ghost." "Ah, it's nothing. I just remembered I forgot to do something." "I think we should head home." "What? We've only been here for like what 10 minutes?" "I know, I just have something really important on my mind alright." "I'm not going to drive ya home dude.""Then I'll just call a Yuber, cya."
The more I think about that message, the more paranoid I get. Something about it just feels wrong, nonetheless, it's too late now. I have to get to the bottom of it, I begin to walk out of the restaurant taking my phone out to call a Yuber home. An unpleasant smell suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and just as I turned around, a scream could be heard. "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" "IOKA!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Wasting no time, I immediately ran to him. He's vomiting, his eyes are bloodshot. What had happened? What is going on?
"Ioka, Ioka! What's wrong? What's happening?" I asked, panicking. "I-I don't know, I just suddenly felt really sick. Oh God, help me." He said, his voice trembling full of stomach acid. "Someone call the ambulance! Please!" I begged. His face is turning pale, I turned to his arm and saw slashes. How did he get these? Blood abruptly spews everywhere, his intenstines are coming out of his mouth. Ioka is dying, Ioka is dying.
"IOKA!" I screamed. "IOKA! IOKA!" I screamed, tears streamed down my face. "IOKA! IOKA! IOKA!" I screamed, tears streamed down my face, my voice fainted.
Toone blacked out.
Phase 2
Man this VikVok video is funny, I wonder how the app's algorithm works. It knows exactly what type of person you are and what kind of content you want to see. Ya know, I've always wanted to have the ability to read people. With it, you can practically control everyone right? Ya know what they like, ya know what they hate, every goddamn thing can be manipulated to your advantage.
"..."Toone has been looking really stressed out for a while now, maybe I should check on him. It hurts to see a fellow brother suffer like this. "What's wrong Toone? Ya look like yah've seen a ghost." "I-I don't..." "I just suddenly...""What?" "Uh... Are ya good dude?" I tapped his face a few times. Why is he sweating so much? He sounds like he has trouble breathing too. "Are ya good? I'll drive yeh to the hospital." "Felt really sick... God, help me." He whimpered, then immediately collapsed."Ey! Ey! What are ya doing man?" I shook his lying body. I hovered one of my finger below his nose, checking whether he's still breathing or not. "Still breathing." I sighed with relief. "Good thing ya paid for the meal, We'll get moving quick." As I drag his body to the car.
Staying inside much longer would cause a scene as wild as a rodeo, I sure am glad the place was hella empty. The employees doesn't seem to give a damn, for better or worse.
I hit the gas.
Today at 3:10 PMHey bud you recently passed out at John's so I dropped you off at the General Hospital. You're on your own with the bill btw Today at 3:11 PMI waited like half an hour and don't wanna wait any longer for you to wake up so I'm gonna go home haha Today at 3:11 PMText me asap aight mate?
My mind slowly clears, I can feel the soft fabric I am laying on. This distinct smell and atmosphere... Is this the hospital? I open my eyes.
Just like I had initially thought, this is indeed the hospital. How did I get here? I don't remember anything after Ioka collapsed, wait, is Ioka okay? My heart started beating quicker. As I tried to sit up, it felt as though my body was anchored down by an invisible weight. This is horrible. I looked around the room, no one is here. I searched for my phone, however, it's nowhere to be found on me. Had I dropped it somewhere? it doesn't matter. I need to know if Ioka is fine, he might even be in this very same hospital.
I tried to stand up, my legs felt like jelly. I stumbled a bit, but I managed to get up. I approached the door, but before I could open it, a nurse came in. Oh, Toone! You're awake! How are you feeling? Standing in front of me was a tall woman of petite build who looks very tired, I think I've seen her somewhere before."You know me..?" I questioned. "Huh? Have you forgotten about me already? Did that black out knock the memories of me out?" She chuckled. "..." "It's me, Eileen. We met in 10th grade remember? We've been talking for 5 years now Toone." "Whatever, besides, you feel okay right?""I'm fine, but I need to know if my friend is here. His name is Ioka, Ioka Smith, he's a chubby guy with a short stature. He collapsed at John Honsons, do you know anything about him?" "Ioka? Isn't he your best friend? I don't think he's hospitalized either. At least not in this hospital, I can check the records for you if you want." "Please do, I need to know if he's alright." "Alright, I'll be back soon." She left the room.
I sat down on the bed, my mind is racing. What happened to Ioka? Why isn't he here? I slowly recalled more memories of that event. One moment he was perfectly fine but then a few seconds later suddenly he has slashes and wounds. "Argh, I need to know if he's okay." I mumbled to myself.My mind is overwhelmed by the image of him, writhing in agony, suffering from excruciating pain.
The door opened, Ailene came back in. "I'm sorry, but I couldn't find Ioka in the records. I'm sorry Toone." "I see..." "Honestly though, I'm fairly sure you were brought in here by someone. That likely was Ioka." "But you said he collapsed too right? How could he take you here if that was the case?" She seems puzzled."Thank you." I said, ignoring her question. "Where are my things by the way? I couldn't find my phone earlier." "Oh, we have a locker system here. The key to it should be in the drawer next to your bed." "I could take that key and get your things for you." She offered in a kind tone. "Oh no, that's alright, Ailene, right?" She nodded."I'll get it myself, thank you for your help." "The lockers should be to the right of the reception... Oh, and Toone?""Yes?" "Do you seriously not remember me at all?" She's being very adamant about this. Am I really that important to someone whom I've never met? "I'm sorry, I don't remember you at all. I'm sorry." "We even talked to each other on the phone yesterday..." She said, her voice trailing off.Could it be..? I instantly rushed to the drawer and opened it, there it was, the key with number 104. Clutching the key as tight as possible, I sprinted towards the reception. "H-Hey! Toone!" It has to be him, there is no other explanation. I don't remember her, I don't know her. More questions raised inside my mind, I feel very overwhelmed at the moment. After finding my way to the reception, I see multiple rows of lockers situated at both sides of the room.
104. 104. 104. There it is, locker 104. I inserted the key and turned it, the locker opened. Inside, there was my phone, my wallet, and whatnot. I took my phone out and checked my messages.
Today at 3:10 PMHey bud you recently passed out at John's so I dropped you off at the General Hospital. You're on your own with the bill btw Today at 3:11 PMI waited like half an hour and don't wanna wait any longer for you to wake up so I'm gonna go home haha Today at 3:11 PMText me asap aight mate?
Ioka messaged me?! He's okay? But how could this be? Ioka was the one who brought me here? I swear, I saw him faint, I saw his guts, I saw the sea of blood that was coming out of his body. This is madness, this is impossible. None of this makes any sense!
I try to calm myself down, what I saw was real, I am sure of it. Ioka was dying, but then, does it really matter what I saw? As long as he's okay, that's all that matters. Ioka is fine, Ioka is fine. Nothing is wrong, I accept this reality.
My fingers still trembling, I type out a message to Ioka:
Today at 4:32 PMioka, did anything happened to you at john's?
I waited for an answer, but to no avail. Patience was never my forte, especially being patient at something as important as this. Having to wait always get me on edge, the feeling of anxiety is always present until you get an answer. What would Ioka do if he was me? I think he would just go do something else in the meantime. The guy always has this carefree atitude, nothing ever seems to bother him. Sometimes, I wish I could be just like that.
"Well, I certainly can't be him, but, I could certainly learn a thing or two." I forced a smile. I closed the locker and returned the key to the receptionist. Bills, fees, everything is now paid. As I walked through the hallways heading for the exit, thoughts of Ailene drifted into my mind. I was too focused on Ioka's messages that I had I completely forgot about this issue.
If my hypothesis is correct, there should be some clue about her on my phone. Supposedly, we have been talking since 10th grade. That's 5 years of interactions, it has to have left a small hint of his actions. I opened Myssenger, Ioka hasn't replied yet. However, something else has piqued me.
Below my profile is a message that I've never seen before. "So he has replied." I muttered to myself. A cold sweat starts to trickle down my face, I tapped on my own profile.
Today at 3:59 PMOf course, we are the same at the end of the day. I shall tell you about myself. Today at 3:59 PMMy name is Toone, though, it will be better for you to refer to me as Lazarus. Today at 3:59 PMI believe you have already figured it out. We are personalities who inhabit the same body. Today at 4:00 PMAs for your question earlier, I do know Ioka. I know everyone you know, I know everything you know. Today at 4:00 PMThis doesn't go both ways, however, as far as I can see, you are still very oblivious about my existence. Today at 4:00 PMI suppose I do owe you an apology for taking advantage of this. Today at 4:00 PMBut I can assure you, this is for your own good. Today at 4:00 PMFrom now on, I want you to ease yourself while chatting with me. You have been under severe stress after all. Today at 4:00 PMWhat else would you like to know about me, dear friend?
He's telling me to chill out? Well, I guess the guy is right. My anxiety has been through the roof today, I need to get a better grip on myself. I took a deep breath, and replied:
Today at 4:37 PMso you can read my mind right lazarus? Today at 4:37 PMwhat do you mean by "my own good," i don't understand. Today at 4:37 PMalso do you know about ailene? Today at 4:37 PMshe's a nurse who said she's my friend from high school. Today at 4:37 PMand what about ioka? what exactly happened to him? Today at 4:37 PMi feel a bad for dumping these questions onto you so sorry.
I really am sorry for sending a bunch of questions, but these are questions that needs to be answered. Oh well, at least it's great to know my other self, Lazarus, is a nice fellow.
Still, I wish there was a better way to communicate with Lazarus. Having to wait for a switch is tedious, and knowing my patience, it's gonna be like torture. Abruptly, a notification popped up, it's from Ioka.
Today at 4:38 PMYour back! man I was worried sick
Today at 4:38 PMOh hell yeah something did happen. You look thin but you actually weigh a lot
Today at 4:38 PMI couldnt carry you at all. I had to drag you on the ground hahaha my arm hurts
I don't get it, is Ioka joking? He acts like nothing happened, but I saw him slowly die in agony. Was I really hallucinating? I have calmed down a lot since, and thinking about it again, a lot of details didn't make much sense, if any at all. Maybe that was the reality that had actually happened, I simply hallucinated. Guess I made the right call earlier in the hospital by denying this delusion of mine.
"Heh, I was paranoid all for nothing." Everything is alright now, I'm gonna go home. My entire body relieved as if it had survived a war.
I walked out of hospital, the sky is painted with a beautiful blue hue. The air is cool, the wind is gentle.
I am finally at peace.
Phase 3
I am on a Yuber that he called, I believe things are going accordingly. As an alter, I have to make use of my time as effectively as possible. I do not have much control over switching; I am not the one with this disorder, after all.
Essentially, his mind always substitutes for me every time his emotions break a certain threshold. It is likely that this is a defense mechanism he developed during childhood. This is how he copes with strong negative emotions. Unsurprisingly, a side effect is that it does not stop at simply negative feelings.
I am almost home now, it is best that I get at least one thing done. I took my phone out and opened Myssenger. Ioka and Toone both responded, I quickly skimmed Iokas' to focus on my own chat. I can see that Toone has a lot of questions.
I began replying to each.
Today at 4:37 PMso you can read my mind right lazarus? Today at 4:50 PMYes, that is correct.
I told him a lie, that is not to say it is false, however. I have already witnessed my own actions; I have already experienced them. If I keep him on the right track, deviations would be less drastic. My "predictions" would stay correct, and I will retain control of the future.
Today at 4:37 PMwhat do you mean by "my own good," i don't understand.
"..." I regret telling him this, I was too hasty.
Today at 4:37 PMalso do you know about ailene? Today at 4:37 PMshe's a nurse who said she's my friend from high school. Today at 4:51 PMI believe you're talking about Eileen. She's an intern at Toronto General Hospital, she and I are friends.
It is best not to elaborate on this, I cannot risk any deviations, not yet.
Today at 4:51 PMand what about ioka? what exactly happened to him? Today at 4:51 PMAre you still wondering about your hallucination? He is completely okay from what I can see. Today at 4:51 PMDo not worry about it, Toone.
An educated guess that I made from reading his and Ioka's chat logs. Honestly, I have no idea what happened to Ioka that time. What Toone saw was definitely real, I also saw it after all. Ioka's was bleeding to death, his body was a mess. Not only was his death a big mystery in itself, but the fact that an instant later I had seemingly been sent back in time is even more puzzling. Ioka was back to normal and his demise never happened. It was an extreme shock even to me, I still remember mumbling Ioka's own words which he said before succumbing to his death that had now never occurred. I perhaps should ask about this.
The car stopped, I am home now. I thanked the driver and got inside the house. It's a cozy place that I inherited from my parents. It is a tragedy that they both died so soon, but perhaps, they really deserved it.
I sat down on the couch and looked for Michael's profile on Myssenger. Michael is my lab partner at the university we study at and is whom I trust the most. He is the only one who knows about the Lazarus Project, the path to immortality. In order to communicate with him without Toone knowing, I have to use vanish mode. It is an exceptionally handy feature of Myssenger, in this mode, the messages sent will disappear after a certain amount of time. Not only to me, but to Michael as well. I typed out a message to him:
Today at 4:55 PMI might have been sent a few minutes to the past today. Today at 4:55 PMAre you planning to load Ioka?
If my conjecture is correct, Ioka, for whatever reason, was injured and loaded into the Ioka who was at John Honsons with Toone. Toone, after witnessing this event, was under serious stress and subconsciously fronted me in to handle the situation. The Lazarus machine is technically capable of loading someone to the past, this has been done before. What perplexes me is that I was sent to the past without any direct involvement from the machine, this is a completely new phenomenon.
Today at 4:55 PMNo? I have no plans on doing anything with the machine for weeks now. 🤨
I see. Truthfully, it would not make sense either. What would be the reason to send Ioka back? Is something going to happen in the future? I have a few more theories about this matter. Anyhow, this is a new development, I have to investigate this further. I quickly replied to him:
Today at 4:56 PMI have suspicions that someone loaded Ioka and changed history. Meet me at Bellevue Square Park, password is cake. Today at 4:56 PMAffirmative.
I hope Toone does not switch back any time soon now, I need to at least get to the bottom of this issue. Wasting no time, I got up and left the house. I have to get to the park as soon as possible.
My car is not slick or anywhere close to pretty, but it is something I cherish. It is a 1998 Toyota Corolla, the car that my father drove ever since I was a child. I got in and started the engine, driving towards Bellevue Square Park.
The soothing wind, the gentle rustling of the leaves—this place is like a sanctuary. I proceed to walk over to the fountain, this is where Michael and I usually meet. I stood for a while until he eventually came to me. "Cake." "So how long do you think you can stay in charge? Production on the stims is painfully slow." He must be referring to the norepinephrine stims. Normally, upon injection, it would force the amygdala to release hormones and fill a person with fear. However, mine is a special case. The usage of it allows me to delay a personality switch, but that is all it does.
It is merely temporary and eventually a switch will inevitably happen. Usually, it is only effective for a few hours, but newer variations of it have allowed me to stay for at least a day. That being said, before a switch enacts, my body always weaken itself and my consciousness gets hazy. It is not a guarantee that I can stim myself before a switch fully enacts. "I cannot say for sure, perhaps a few more hours?" "Nevertheless, do you remember what I told you earlier?" "About the time travel?" "Yes, I believe Ioka from the future was loaded back in time, which somehow sent me further back in time." "But that wouldn't be possible, would it? If anything, Ioka would've been sent back in time again, not you." "Exactly, something about this is very wrong." "I have a few theories; for one of them we need to confirm it with Ioka himself." I groaned. "That would complicate things, so I'm guessing you'd need me then?" He touched his chin while thinking. "Very well, so what about your other theories? Care to clue me in?""Yes, so for the first one..." I begin lecturing to Michael.
Essentially, there are two main hypotheses and one variation of it:
For the first main theory, someone in the future sent a dying Ioka back in time when Ioka and Toone were at John Honsons. After being loaded in, the current Ioka was overridden by the memory and consciousness of the Ioka who had serious physical injuries. This led to his brain thinking that he actually sustained damage and deluding itself into thinking that is the truth. Which in turn, instantly damages his body into the same state that the future Ioka was in. Toone, upon seeing this, switched to me. As a result, this is where it gets interesting.
In one case, Ioka, after suffering to his death, was loaded once more, this time by an Ioka in a healthy state. This is when I saw him become normal again, but that would require Ioka to act perfectly the same as the Ioka that was not loaded in the first place. Ioka could not have known how, but he did. Also the fact that the employees do not seem to bat an eye at a person spewing blood then instantly turn normal. And of course, the problem of blood as well; there could not have been a way for him to clean it up that quickly.
The other case, rather than Ioka getting loaded again, Toone and I were. That would mean after I witness Ioka's death, someone, or possibly even myself in the future, has sent Toone and I to this point in time. If new consciousness was indeed loaded into us, then we should have been erased. Yet, that is not the case. Perhaps my theory about erasure was wrong? If being overridden actually sends you to the past, then it will solve the blood and employees problem. This variation is a bit farfetched, though.
Now for the second main theory, despite sounding more plausible, still has its problems. It is that Ioka was never loaded in the first place, and that Toone was simply hallucinating because of my messages. Before that, I did ask him about Ioka which might have triggered his stress, and sequentially, could have been a cataclyst to this event. But then, if he was hallucinating, how would it be possible for me to also see it as well?
Toone being on edge is unquestionable, his consciousness was already slowly fading when he was looking for clues of me at John Honsons, that was when Toone's body allowed me to listen to his surroundings. I heard Toone talking to Ioka, I heard his panic, everything. After we had fully switched, I got a few seconds and saw Ioka's death as well. Nonetheless, like I mentioned earlier, a moment after, it is as if I had traveled to the past. The same situation happened again, it was only because of my responses that everything soon deviated and lead to a different outcome.
There is also the possibility that I was simply sitting there the whole time at the corner of the restaurant with Ioka's answers being pure coincidence.
"And that is all. Any questions, Michael?" "Actually, yes." He nodded his head. "Earlier in your second iteration of the first theory, you mentioned how an override might have pushed you back into the past." "What if that really was the case?" He said with a smirk on his face."I assume you have figured out something." "Indeed, I have. Your speculation about erasure after a load is simply incorrect." "The fact that you are here is the definitive proof of it. The likely answer, or rather, my belief, is that the world simply considered you as a paradox.""A paradox..?" I tilt my head in confusion. "It's actually quite simple, isn't it? I am surprised you haven't realized it yet, Tony.""It's plainly not possible for the two versions of you and Toone to exist at the same time." "The world created another quantum state of itself, a divergence, a separate branch of the world where you and Toone were sent to." "Also known as, here.""That is a great observation, but then why did that not happen when I overrode Toone? We merged. Remember what I had told you?" "That is because you and Toone aren't the same person. If what you said to me then was completely true, then I don't see why." He shrugged. "You are a version of Toone from a distant future, correct? Because of how different you are from the you at that time of the load, the world simply considered you two to be different." "A child is a blank canvas that has the potential to be anything, am I correct?" "As for why you time traveled to the past, the divergence had a slight desync. The universe had to rebuild itself to the moment you and Toone were overridden, but both of your conciousnesses were transferred quicker than its restablishment." "This isn't something without basis either; you confirmed the Lazarus machine could send you back in time. This implies the existence of quantum superstitions that are in the past. In other words, delayed worlds." "..." I was speechless. "Incredible. Truly incredible." This revelation has opened my eyes, the universe is such a mysterious and magnificent place. I wonder how I can use this information to improve the Lazarus machine even further, I am very excited.
This celebration, however, was cut short when I felt a sharp pain in my head. My body is weakening itself, Toone is going to shift in. "Michael.. a s-switch is coming. You need to tell.. Toone to d-drive to the laundromat..." I said, as my vision slowly blurs. "Understood, Tony. I will see you later." I felt my consciousness slipping away, the darkness consuming me. I can no longer see, I can no longer think.
I cannot do anything.
Phase 4
"Jeez, it's getting late. I should go home." I groaned. "Toone? Is that you?" "Mike! What are you doing here at this time, eh?" "I should be the one asking you that. Didn't you say you were going to the laundromat earlier?" He raised his right eyebrow at me. "Or you did and came back here for something?""I don't think so..." I paused for a moment. Come to think about it, I do have laundry that needs to be picked up, but I was planning to do it tomorrow though. I guess I sorta changed my mind after talking to Mike. After talking to Mike..?
"Say, Mike, what were we talking about earlier?" I tensed. Even after knowing Lazarus isn't anyone to be afraid of, this phenomenon still creeps me out. Hopefully, I'll be able to get used to it. "You can't even remember your own words huh, Toone?" "You rambled about how ZOCALORDs are the epitome of music vocals." "After making me suffer through all of that, you abruptly ran to your car because you had to go pick up your laundry." "Man, you still haven't changed one bit." He gave a short laugh. Well, that's surprising; apparently Lazarus likes ZOCALORDs just like me as well. I mean, he's me after all, and also, what's not to like about ZOCALORDs? It's a voice synthesizer software that allows you to generate a character's voice. It works amazingly well and I wouldn't be surprised if it's actually magic turned into code. People usually use this software to make music and I love it; I bet a lot of people do too as well. I wonder who's Lazarus' favorite. Mine's gotta be Harune Miju. "Earth to Toone, Earth to Toooneeee." "You shouldn't be daydreaming AND drooling right in front of me, man. That's considered rude, by the way.""E-Eh?" I snapped."So, back to my question. Why did you come back here? Picked up your laundry already?""Oh wow, I totally forgot." "Welp, I'll go get them now, I guess." I feel embarrassed.
I said goodbye to Mike and left, I can't believe I really daydreamed right before him. Sure, usually I wouldn't have much of a problem with that, but drooling? Letting my saliva out, like a submissive femboy? I really hope he doesn't bring that up. Man, this is gonna be something that haunts me every night a few years later.
Aside from that, I wonder why Lazarus wanted to go to the laundromat. From what I can tell, judging from Mike's words, he might have been in a rush getting there. I mean, I wouldn't run from a conversation about ZOCALORDs of all things—actually, that'd explain why Lazarus drove back to the park. Did I forget something about my laundry that Lazarus soon figured out? Honestly, the better question now would be if he had picked it up or not, I don't see any clothing in the car so I'm guessing no. I really hope he did and just left it at home, I don't wanna spend any more time out here. I wanna go to bed.
"Hmph." I grunted. "Fine, fine, it's just ten more minutes, I can do it." Having said that, I headed to the laundromat as fast as I could.
Today at 6:20 PMToone, you better tread carefully man. Today at 6:20 PMI have all the means to make you do what I want from now on. 🤣
A message? "..." "That sly dog..." I furiously typed a message that consisted of very meaningful two words.
Today at 6:22 PMeat shit.
Feeling slightly proud of myself after sending that lovely message, I got out of my car and walked inside the laundromat.
Earlier this morning, I went here and dumped a bunch of my clothing and whatnot in the third washing machine. I'm pretty certain by now the owner might have moved them somewhere, I'll have to go and ask him. Looking around, I can see he's at the back of the building. I hurried over, greeted the guy, and quickly took out the receipt from my wallet to show him. Just as I'd thought, there was my stuff, neatly bagged under the counter. It's good to know I can trust a store enough to keep an eye on a customer's things, I wouldn't appreciate it if a junkie came in and stole my extremely comfy attire at all.
Now that the deed is done, I can finally go home. Still, I wonder what the problem Lazarus might have thought of was. Nothing seems out of the ordinary in the bag to me. "Excuse me?" A familiar voice called out to me.Catching me by surprise, I turned around.
Is that, Ailene? Oh wait, my bad. Eileen. "I was right! It is you, Toone!" "O-Oh, hey, Eileen. You're getting your laundry too?" Why is she here?! Remembering about what happened back in the hospital, I think I was extremely rude to her. Man, I hope she doesn't resent me in any way whatsoever. Why? Because I feel like Lazarus and Eileen are great friends, it would be terrible to ruin his personal life just because I was a complete doofus who thought his own hallucinations were real. Oh boy, oh boy, I gotta do something. "Of course! Why else would I be here? I am a human with basic hygiene too you know." "That's an odd answer..." "I-I mean, I'm sorry, I just still can't get over how I treated you this morning. I genuinely feel really bad by the way." I repeatedly nodded. "W-Whaaaaa?! No, no! It's fine!" "I don't blame you at all, Toone! I kinda chalked it up to your condition back then." "Sure, I felt a bit sad due to how you somehow forgot about me. But it's alright! You're back to normal now, right?""Well, I still sorta, uh..." My heart started pounding. No, I think it's best that I play along and improvise, I can't just flat out say I don't know who she is. Obviously, I absolutely do not, but telling her that is not possible. I value Lazarus' relationships as much as mine; he's like my twin, or something. "Sorta..?" "Sorta... still feel a bit dizzy and tired." "I can't believe blacking out took this much of a toll on me." "You must feel be feeling horrible then, I'm sorry to hear that." "Are you sure you're okay going out like this?""It's exhausting, but I still have to do it. I can't leave my laundry here, can I?" "Yes, you can.""That was a rhetorical question." "Doesn't matter, point is, you should be staying at home." Looking embarrassed, she turned her head away and frowned."Right, right, I was gonna go home anyways. I really should be getting some sleep." "Oh! I know! How about I drive you home?" "Eh? But I can't leave my car here, can I?" "No, you can't.""That was a rhetorical question.""Mhm, this time it actually doesn't matter. I walked here, we can take your car.""Uh huh... and how do you expect to go home?" "I'll walk, of course! This is why I don't randomly black out. I am in perfect health, unlike someone." She smirked.Ouch."Okaaaay... Your choice then." We both walked out of the laundromat. After leading her to my car, I gave her the keys. "You do know where my house is, right?" "Obviously, I've been there quite a lot of times now. Do you have amnesia!?" She questioned with an upset voice.This is bad, I better do something. "Well, it certainly looks like it." "Anyway, how about you stay for a while and have dinner with me?" "Oh? Someone's oddly nice today, hmm?"Man, why does she have to be such a pain? I wonder how Lazarus dealt with this woman. "Whatever you say, c'mon, let's go."
We moved inside the car, and of course, I settled down in my favorite seat—shotgun. "H-Huh? Why are you sitting here? What's gotten into you today!?""What do you mean? This is where I always sit." "Apparently not from what I've seen, you have always sat at the back.""R-Really..?" "Oh, well, I guess I just felt like sitting here today." I nervously chuckled. "You're acting really weird today, Toone. Are you sure you're okay?""I told you, I'm fine, I'm fine, Eileen. I'm just tired, that's all." "...I hope so."
Ideally, that marks the end of whatever this is. It has been a crazy day, hasn't it? Maybe I can sneak in a quick nap right now. Eileen drives with such caution; she's been going really slow, and that's fine by me—more time to catch some sleep, eh?
Later, we arrived at my house and chatted. I microwaved a few cups of noodles since I didn't have anything in the fridge, and frankly, I was never planning to have a guest today. It actually turned out fine, believe it or not; Eileen didn't seem upset or anything, and I think things are going well between us. I wonder when she's going to leave, Eileen has been here for a few hours now and I really, really, wanna go to bed. "Toone, it's getting late I think I'll see you later.""Oh?" "After I do a quick visit to the bathroom, that is." She stuck her tongue out, presumably trying to taunt me. I laughed, that was great timing. Still, I couldn't stand her jokes at all. Man, Lazarus sure is one hell of a guy huh. I would love to know how he managed to keep his cool around her. At least, that's what I assume because of how close they seem to be, maybe it's just me? I'm curious if he ever got annoyed by her, I mean, I sure would have. I'm not saying she's a bad person, but she's just so... so... so... A loud thud suddenly snapped me out of my thoughts. "Eileen? Was that you?" "Eileen?!" "Are you alright!?" She's not answering me at all, did something happen? I swiftly ran to the bathroom. "Eileen!?" I screamed. She's not here. What's going on, where did she go? I'm sure I heard a thud. I'm not going crazy, am I? I'm not hallucinating again, am I? "Calm down. Calm down. Hold yourself together, Toone." I tried to comfort myself.
I looked around the house, but she's nowhere to be found. I checked the kitchen, empty. I checked the dining room, empty. I checked my bedroom, empty. I checked the unused rooms, also empty. I even went back to the living room, but to no avail. She's gone. "What the hell is going on?" I muttered. I don't see anything that might have made that loud sound either, no fallen bookshelves, cupboards, nothing. Where did she go? I have already checked all of the rooms she could've gone to.
Wait, all of the rooms she could've gone to..? Right! The basement! It likely is locked but I still have to check it, maybe I just forgot and she could be in there! That might be why she couldn't respond to me! Even with this glimpse of hope, my body is nonetheless quivering. I ran downstairs and checked the door. It is closed shut, I then reached the doorknob with my trembling hand. Nervously, I slowly turned it and... there's no click. It wasn't locked.
I hate this. Why is today like this? What did I ever do to deserve this fate? I clutched my hands, I stepped inside, little by little. I hate this, I feel like I am about to cry, I hate this. I hate this.
The basement, it's so dark. I can't see anything. My heart keeps pounding, this is bad. I frantically pat my body, trying to find my phone. I need to turn on the flashlight, I need to find Eileen. "Ha.. There it is..." I turned on the flashlight.
A fallen bookshelf... That means... I wasn't hallucinating... That means I am not crazy. The loud sound I heard was real, Eileen was here. But where is she now? "Eileen!? Answer me please!"
Something suddenly caught my eye: a broken wall behind the bookshelf. I can see wall studs that were cut off, there is something inside. What is this? When was this ever here? I began examining the wall, a sense of uneasiness crept over me. There are pins above it, it held small pieces of fabric that were ripped off. Could it be Eileen!? I couldn't hold myself and vaulted inside the wall. I can't believe this, there's another staircase leading down. I descended slowly and slowly. The air is getting colder, I can feel my legs shaking aggressively. I can't stop now, I have to find Eileen. She has to be here!
I reached the bottom, where a metal door stood before me. I can see light seeping through the gap above and below it. Is she inside? I thought to myself, pushing the door which creaked open reluctantly. Inside was a large machine, its presence so overwhelming that I dropped my phone in shock. What is this? What is this machine doing here? With my eyes fixated on it; I walked closer, drawn in by a mix of fear and curiosity. "Stop moving." A voice.Suddenly, something is held against the back of my head. I can feel the shape, it's a circle, a barrel. Clack.The cold click of death echoed in the air.
A gun.
Phase 5
Still writing. Phase 5 might take a lot more time.
